Stand Up

"Then the king deply regretted what he had said; but because of the vows he had made in front of his guests, he couldn't refuse her." Mark 6:26

This week as I was read'ing Mark Chapter 6, this verse really made me mad. I read it and thought to myself, Herod is is an idiot, why couldn't he stand up against something that he knew was completely wrong?" I continued to be bothered by this and just pondered it for a few days.

Well, during our bible study session, Sherry Mortenson speaks on Herod a little. Here is a man, who was married, divorced his wife to marry his brother's wife (Herodia) and then is turned on by his step-daughter while watching her dance! John the Baptist comes in and confronts Herod about his lifestyle and his wife Herodia, is angry, she wants John killed! In the end, Herodia's daughter is offered anything she wants and her mother, Herodia tells her to ask for the head of John the Baptist, and she gets it! Interesting, huh? So why does this affect me?

Well, when put into layman's terms, here is a dysfunctional family, Herod is a man who took what he wanted, when he wanted, reacts to his desires with no concern for how others are to be affected, and completely impulsive! This is what I relate to. I come from a background of Herod's!

I grew up without my Dad from the ages of 2-16. He was an acoholic and after my mom left him, he went on to two other women and had more kids with them, not counting the one woman and child before me and my sister. My mom remarried and had another child with him and that ended in divorce, because of impulsive choices on his part. Which then enters my dad again, and my parents remarry, and in the end, is not a good thing because of impulsive choices on my mom's part. All three of my parents, only thought of themselves and what they wanted with no consideration of how the rest of us would be affected.

With a total of 7 of us kids, we all have our own histories. I can only speak on my behalf, but I grew up with no one protecting me, and no one being willing to stand up for me when I was being wronged when they were fully aware of what was happening. I have always felt that I have to protect myself and trust no one, because if I trust, they will let me down! So why trust? I'm gonna lose either way, right?

Wrong! As with the disciples, we all have our moments of unbelief, but, our unbelief amazes Jesus! I didn't realize that my having to be in control of all things at all times is a lack of trust, and therefore is unbelief! Oh, I say I believe in Jesus, but if I stay in fear of losing (or loving completely)those close to me, I am living in unbelief! I don't believe that Jesus can and will stick up for me when I am wronged, I have that underlying feeling that I have to always be in protect mode and only trust myself, but am I really capable of trusting myself, no, because I am not God! Nor do I want to be...I want to believe that He is God and He is in control and He loves and protects me and that is enough.

So, what's the next step, I surrender my will, and let His will reign, from this day forward!

Blessings,
Terri